I once felt very drawn to the movement that is popularly referred to as neo-Calvinism. The most accurate way to explain the attraction would probably be that the harshness of it felt authentic. I'd never liked myself very much, was fairly certain God didn't like me (the feeling was sort of mutual), and thought an ideology which affirmed my utter worthlessness and depravity must have the answers. It was as if a fitting narrative framework could resolve this strange, anxious relationship I'd had with God my entire life. Also, I'd never seen the kind of passionate preaching that is the trademark of the movement's leadership before. As someone easily affected by emotion, I
thought that what I was hearing really resonated. No one can make you feel quite as terrified of your own well-deserved damnation as a Calvinist, or as eager to accept an escape route.
